"He made me so mad/sad/annoyed" is a lie that is destroying your relationship.
Did you know that when you are “mad at someone” it isn’t because of what they did?
I know you probably aren’t going to like hearing this, but it is actually the best news I can give you when it comes to restoring your relationship.
And its true whether you are in a marriage, a business partnership or basically any other encounter you can have with a human being.
Here is what I mean.
Let’s imagine your husband is supposed to be home at 6pm so that you can go out for dinner with a friends. At 5:45 he texts you, still at work and says he is going to be a few minutes late. At 6:25 he walks in the door and there you are ready to go at the door, red hot with rage. You walk past him without a word and race out to meet your friends but you are now in a bad mood and spend the first hour of your “fun dinner out” complaining to your friends about him.
Now, I know that some of you reading this are thinking;
“Well, YEAH I would be mad and I have every right to be!”
It’s true you have every right to feel anything you want. But when I coach clients a question I often ask them is “Why would you choose to feel that way?”
We learned this lie that other people can make us feel things by their words and actions from a young age. If a child on the playground laughs at you and then you have a negative emotion you were likely taught that their laughter “made you feel bad”.
This line of thinking is a big part of our culture and a very hard concept to challenge, but I want to do it because this is the key to making every single relationship in your life better.